kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
