The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
