It was like getting head from an anaconda
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
