The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
