Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
