I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
