just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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