i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
