Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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