I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
