It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My ass is underappreciated
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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