did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
