I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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