My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
