I want to stick my p in your. b.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
