Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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