im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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