i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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