Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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