Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
