When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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