gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize