I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
