He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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