After last night, I could never be a politician.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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