I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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