I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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