i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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