i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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