some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
