wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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