I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize