My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
