1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
