i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
