I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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