btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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