My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
