I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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