don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
