I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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