someone get that fucking seahorse.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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