I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
