I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
