We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
