He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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