I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
