i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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