Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
