i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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