Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she peed on how many people?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
