It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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