Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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