he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize