Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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