my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
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How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.