You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.