So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
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considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
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The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now