my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"