I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
