Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.