Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.