He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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