her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
