Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
