she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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