My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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