Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
