maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
