Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
