i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
